Perhaps that title feels really awkward within the realm of “church-approved” language.

But I hope you might be open to a different angle…

Being loved means being in known in relationship. God is love, and for us to know love is to know God and experience God. We cannot give something we don’t know or haven’t experienced. To know God and to be known by Him are the sacred essence of relationship.

When the Prodigal Son returned to his father, he was willing to work as a servant just to be back in his father’s home. But the father did not want his son to just work and serve him. He did not tell him to pull his act together, or to stop being lazy and work harder. The father wanted to be with his son; to celebrate and to be in relationship with him.

God is our Papa, our Abba, and He isn’t seeking just a servant; He calls you friend. You don’t love your child because of what he or she has done for you. You love your child because they are made in God’s image; you love them for who they are. And God the Father loves you with inexplicable depth and fierceness.

So the question is…. Do you love yourself as God loves you?

Do you care for yourself as God cares for you?

I wonder if we have accepted a fearful, narrow-eyed, narrow-minded version of Christianity that is afraid of “self-love.” The fear of being selfish and of looking too much like our culture prods us not to be truly humble, but to impose self-shame. The wrecking ball swings in the other direction and imposes shame on women who desire to love themselves and take care of themselves. It’s like you’re not allowed self-care unless it doesn’t look too much like self-care. If self-care doesn’t involve reading your Bible or praying in solitude then perhaps it doesn’t look holy enough. 

Yes, there are those who are destructive to themselves and others in a selfish self-love that extracts validation from unwilling participants for their own glory. True self-love never shows up as selfish ambition. But that is not what I see in most moms and nurturers that I know. Most women I interact with do not struggle with too much worldly self-love. They struggle with shame. They feel unworthy of doing anything unless it’s being done for someone else.

Does God love you less than He loves your kids, or the people you care for? You were not put on this earth for the sole purpose of having babies and washing dishes. Yes, those are beautiful and holy things we do in love. But they are not your only purposes. You were created to love and be loved by a God who numbers the hairs on your head, and who spoke unique and beautiful gifts into your soul that are treasures to those around you.

Sometimes we are afraid to show our children that we are frail and human and vulnerable. What if we gave ourselves the freedom to model to our children that we have needs? The call to martyrdom is not the highest calling of a mother. But I wonder if sometimes this is what we model to our children. 

As parents, we want to teach our children to be like Jesus. You know what? Jesus loves Himself. And His pure self-love doesn’t contradict or diminish His love for others.  

People who have been loved well by others will know how to love others well. I don’t see how it is possible to love others well if you don’t love yourself. Loving yourself means you have agreed with God that you are loved, that you matter, and that you view yourself the way God does. God wants to lavish love on you just as you want to lavish love on those you care for.

Self-love is anything that brings you into a deeper relationship and unity with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Self-care is to know and experience more of who you are in the identity of Jesus’ all-consuming love.

I love the story of the Samaritan woman at the well. Jesus not only offers her His living-water love, He gives her permission to love herself. That sounds scandalous to our evangelical ears. Jesus made it clear that He knew her checkered past. But I don’t think he pointed out her sin solely for the sake of telling her she was sinful. She already knew that or she wouldn’t be at the well in the middle of the blistering noonday sun avoiding everyone’s condemnation. Jesus brought to light her feelings of shame, and invited her to replace it with all of His love. Maybe she could finally love herself the way Jesus loved her. And what did she do next? She went to tell everyone. She was inspired to love her neighbor as herself.

Self-love is a life-giving declaration that the God of love is alive in your soul and overflowing to the people and the world around you.  

It’s ok to love yourself.

Nature is a powerful force that deeply connects us to healing Love. God created all of nature to reflect His love for us. He is Faithful Love, and the world of nature is a picture of that deep love.

During a dark season of uncertainty in my life, I would often walk to the end of an old gravel road to be alone with God. No one could see me or hurt me in that sacred place. I was surrounded by the peaceful wind and the trees. I could cry there. I could heal there. I could hear Love’s voice. 

Allow yourself to be still in God’s creation. Allow yourself to be loved in the world He designed just for you. 

THE TREES WERE FAITHFUL

The trees were faithful

Ever stood

Tapping leaves,

Straight white bark,

Curling arms.

As evening melts the sky

The leaves ripple…

Warm sky colors

Wrap the darkened leaves,

Calmly darkened leaves,

Set against the backdrop of

An evening sky.

As if one could not exist 

Without the other.

A blended beacon of peace-

Rooted trees and peaceful, magical skies

Lending strength and stillness

To the earth and to

Each other.

I watched those trees for many years:

Green, then brilliant,

Then grey,

And green again.

In the quiet dark each night

They patiently listened to my lament.

I watched the branches dip low and the

Leaves flicker…  

The only thing still and calm in my world.

I longed to be 

Rooted and still 

With the trees.

I looked to their constancy and 

Never failing branches, 

And unyielding trunks. 

Their leaves and branches told wild stories of

Storms and snow and healing sunlight.

Grounded but not unmoved.

Rooted but still vulnerable 

To the wind and chaos.

In the wreckage of my life, 

I could count on this-

The trees were always faithful.

I walked to the end of the gravel dirt road, and

Hid myself among these great witnesses; 

Witnesses to my tears and cries for help, 

Keepers of a thousand secrets, 

And loyal to the ground beneath them. 

They saw my pain 

And did not turn away;

The trees were safety.

I took refuge in the reflection  

Of their straight and scattered forms

In the nearby pond;

The illusion of upside down towers 

Plunging down into deep glass.

No judgment from these friends.

No harsh words spoken in anger.

No fear of drowning…  of losing my ability 

To breathe.

My steady constant- they never left. 

Never uprooted. 

Never disingenuous.

They were true to themselves 

and true to the earth

 and true to me.

The trees were always faithful.